To be enough 

As a new mother, I discover feelings I never felt before and this is a hard revolution. I am usually a person with a ton of self confidence,  I’m not afraid of much and feel safe in most of the situations. Until now. Our daughter made a little revolution for these aspects. 

She has a period every evening when she cries so loud and so long that I don’t know what to do or where I can hide. After the visit of the nurse at the beginning of the week, we got the advice to give her milk in bottle to make her meals bigger. I was breastfeeding only until this moment. This may have helped since she is crying a little less and even gained weight, this is good. But it gives me such a bad feeling: I’m not good enough for my daughter. I couldn’t even notice that she was hungry.

These first weeks with a newborn are hard. Everyone tell us to enjoy these weeks, that they will dissappear so quickly but honestly,  if time gets me a more happy daughter and more confidence,  I’m looking forward to having a little older daughter. 

One thing I never thought would be possible was for me to have my normal clothes 13 days post partum. Almost as good as Victoria Beckham! I lost all the extra weight I gained during the pregnancy and I can have my normal clothes. The funny thing is that I forgot the clothes I had before, but I’m really happy to let the pregnancy clothes being for a while. I passed these 9 months with two pants,  two dresses and the same 4 pregnancy tee shirt. So, ok, the weight is back but the muscles are week. Next Monday, I’ll begin a training program for new mothers with the goal to be in shape (read normal strong for a mother) when I’ll go back to work in September. 

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