Strang layout here. I dunno why but it looks weird on over-blog tonight. Well, i’ll give it a little try at least.
My day today was a day full of emotions, contact with people and happiness i guess. I had a bad dream though and woek up really screaming in my bed, i was angry at someone for some stupid reason and i was just shouting the hell out of me, so loud that i woke up because of my screams. Pretty weird.
I was also happy to eat a real breakfast this morning. I have been really lazy with buying food recently and it has been too much mornings when i just had some tea to drink and btw really poor food for lunch, like student-pasta. I just realized that i have no lunch at all for tomorrow. hum, nice. But i have breakfast, so maybe i should put all my eggs in this basket.
It was an efficient morning and afternoon at work. I am closing a lot of projects and it feels good. I like to look how it went, and to realize that it mostly went pretty well in all these things, that i made something usefull. Btw, this is funny all the compliments i get nowadays from people who learned that i was quitting this work. I dunno if people are too shy to tell them
otherwise, or if they are just trying to flatter me before i’m leaving but i am hearing that i am a funny person, always in a good mood, good at communicating (they surely did not read my over bad english on here ahah), i am creative, taking care of other, good at listening and so on and so on. Well, you understood: i am the one everyone wishes to be. No one came to me and told me that it was cool i was leaving. Maybe it will come and actually, this would help me not to cry for the last day. I like all these compliments, but in a way, it sounds fake. I was here for 5 years and heard more the past week than during all my stay here. As if people only notice someone when they know they will be apart.
This is maybe why no one can really confort someone who lost a relative, or who is going through something hard. This is when you realize that your situation is going to change dramatically, that you will miss something you took for granted, that you may see the big things in the little ones. I tried to come about things that i will miss from Eskilstuna, which is not work related and i am very sorry, but i did not find anything that i wouldn’t find again in Linköping.
For people, this is different. I have the following theory: if i had some bound with someone here, this person will stay inmy heart and environment somehow even if i live a little bit farther. As i experienced during my previous moving, this is a good test for relationships actually.
I also received a big lesson today. I thought i would fix things by myself but i had to admit that someone else was right. I did not tell it loud of course, but this is so rare when people just tell me that i am stupid sometimes. Well, maybe they say it, but i don’t use to listen ;) wait, what did i wrote just above? that people just said positive things to me recently? hum, i may
have selective hears ahaha. Anyway, we made a deal and i felt like i was able to trust him, which is a step for me. I realized at the same time that this is not easy for me to ask for help. I use to fix everything by myself (or by my moneys help) and it costs me a lot to ask someone to help me i noticed. I feel like i would be thankfull for ever. Kind of egoistic, because i would surely help whoever would need help.
This is all what i had with me 2005 when i moved to Sweden. Let’s see how it grew in almost 6 years. Maybe this friend who argued with me today will regret it. For now, i just let him believe that i bought a soffa and a bed. You see J, it will go quick.
Today, it was also the first outdoor training of the year and i thought i would die. I almost put me on my four when i passed the goal line. 5km in 24min58sec. I began a waaay too quick and it was really hard to keep on running. But i thought “i need to run the whole way, i need to be fit when i will begin with the new club in Linköping soon”.
I spent the evening on the phone, one filosophical phone call with a J friend and one “i offer you a plane ticker for your birthday” with my little lovely sister. This is wonderful to know that she will be the first from my lovely people who live far away to visit me in my new place.
For now, i just feel my body crying that it wants to go to bed NOW.