Bleh. Yes, it feels like a bleh, the sound you make when you feel sick and throw up. My day felt like I ate a bit of pumpkin and had to throw it away. For those who don’t know, I don’t like pumpkin since the day I ate of it while having stomach problems. Now, I associate pumpkin with puking. All the time. 

It began yesterday evening when I was preparing myself to go out. It’s M’s birthday today, so we went out yesterday to eat fine dinner. And I thought “Let’s get pretty!” I wanted to put on one gold bracelet I got from my father for my baccalauréat. So I opened the drawer and nothing. The little box where I have all (few though) fine jewelery was gone. I remembered of course that I put it away before the visits from our flat. So I walked with decided steps to the place I usually put things with some value, meaning with our passeports. And there: nothing. My jeweleries are gone!

It was a bit tight with the time yesterday, we had a dinner at the restaurant ahead, so we ran to the bus and I already thought of all that was in this little box: the wedding ring of my grand pa (the only thing I had left from him), several presents from my parents at different occasions and so on. But the wedding ring. I was feeling sick, as I described with the pumpkin thing. But it was no idea to ruin M’s birthday dinner, so I tried to focus on other things. One other theme we have to avoid if we want to keep a smile on our lips is seeling our flat. This is going very bad, so we tried not to think about it.

I thought all the time about this little box. I got it one day as a kid from my mother, and had my week money in it. Inside of it, there is still a little piece of paper with this inscription: “680 francs” which was the money I saved at the peak of my wealth as a kid. The tape is all yeallow now, at least the last time I saw the box.

We had at the end a nice evening, but this morning, I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to turn our flat up and down to see if the little box is at home. We have being sorting out things pretty hard lately and giving away or throwing away a lot and if I remember very well when I opened the box the last time, I cannot remember what I did of it after that. I cannot remember what I’ve done from my grand pa wedding ring. And this makes me really sad.

I went down in the basement, tried to open the boxes that we carried down since we began our sorting out but I am afraid that I throw this box away by mistake. We turned upside down our whole flat, I looked at every impossible places if the box is somewhere and the conclusion for tonight is: No, the box is nowhere to be found. At least not at home.

It cuts my heart in thousand of pieces. There are few things in our flat that are important for real: our passerports, the keys and this little box, which contains things that cannot be replaced. And this box is gone.

I have to keep my head clear, there are different possiblities:

1) the box is in the garbage. Then, too bad.

2) the box is at this second hand shop I gave things away. I tried to contact them but it’s all closed on sunday of course. And the chance to have the things left is pretty little, not to say inexistant.

3) the box is somewhere hidden in our flat. At this point, I hope that the moving company that will help us to move will find it.

4) the box is already packed in another box in the basement. Then we will discover it again when we will pack our things up in Uppsala this summer.

No one is dead, no one is sick but I feel so bad not having been responsible enough to take care of a little box with a little ring in it. I feel bad. For that and also for the fact that I did not send flowers to my mother today. Happy mother day, Maman!