Sunday. As usual, alone at home. M took the train around 17 this afternoon and he left me with my thought. I’m not jealousof him, he was also carrying some with him in his backpack. Our flat history is giving us grey hair and honestly, I hope it will not go deeper. I’d not be able to take it.
I have been going around in our flat, thinking too much of course and the best thing I should have done was to take a big long run to make all these thoughts go away for a while. Instead, I made some excel sheets, calculated the money we will loose and how long it would take to save it back. Not the best way to prepare for a good night sleep.
But then, I remembered a good tool: my diary. I used to write in it almost every evening but since M entered my life, I have been quite quiet in it. Tonight, it was good to check my life, tell all the things I feel are unfair and all the good things that are happening to us. We made giant steps in some weeks, so it’s not surprising that we are having some sand in our shoes. To walk on the beach in the sunset is not always easy, even if the view is beautiful.
So for now, I will let down the fact that other people don’t value our flat as much as we do, I will let down the fact that medias once again just write about bullshit, I will let down the fact that I won’t have a hug from M until wednesday evening and I will try to remember how supporting he is with me.
To quote John Lennon:
Everything will be OK at the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.