home alone and lonely

Hello people!

M is as usual on tuesday and wednesday in Ljungby and i am as usual alone at home. This is crazy how i got used to a good habbit: when M is away, i really have difficulties to fall asleep. So as usual, i woke up this morning very tired and the summer time did not help me. I went to Eskilstuna today and in the train, i read a quote about learning kids to be alone instead of feeling lonely. Ok, this may be a good quality but it makes me sad that we push on being alone instead of going to other people and learn to socialise. This society is so indivualist, i really wonder who will take care of us, the active generation from today when we will be old and when we will have taught all the kids that you better live alone. I wish i had read something more positiv, more engaged in some kind of feeling “i want to get involved with someone, even if it’s only a friendship, even if i don’t win anything at first but just help someone…”. And so on.

Who am i with my big ideas of a perfect world? oh no one big. I make my mistakes too and every day, but i know i miss peoples compagny and that i almost always found someone to spend time with when i was living in France. Maybe i don’t remember very well, since it was10 years ago i lived there (ten years, holly sh**!) but i like to remember it like that: no cellphone, friends around the corner, no big worries in life. Tonight, if i feelalone, i don’t fell lonely.I exactly found someone to spend my whole life with and i don’t need so much more. of course i need my friends, but the relationships i have around make me feel confident. No everyday talk, but i know there is someone out there who cares, and several someone even! I just miss M tonight.

We live in an about 80 squar meters big appartment and i feel like i have too much things i don’t need, so i am filtrering and chosing what things i will keep. If there is someone who wants a scarf for free, just write me you adress in a mail at leiaot (a) gmail.com and i will send you something nice!

For the rest of the dy, i will try to be a good girl and to sleep early. a day at work is waiting for me tomorrow!