What I give to you is just what I’m going through

It was a long day today. I took the bus quite early this morning and went to Stockholm. The weather was not partying really, but it was all good for the things i wanted to do there.

To sit in a bus during 3 hours while listening to music is also a good therapy. Well, depending on the songs playing and i have to admit that i had luck this morning with my playlist, it was not that dramatical. I think i grew up from my deception from yesterday. But let’s see how tomorrow will be. I have to confess that i wouldn’t feel like that yet if i haven’t had these precious phone calls with A, J and P. Thank you to be there when i need someone to listen!


Anyway. I directly visited my favo shop in Stockholm http://www.earthnmore.com/ but i feel too poor this month to buy anything, so i was just looking, thinking that some dresses were really beautiful, but it would be for another time.

On my way to the lunch, when i had to meet a nice friend, i noticed two things.

The first one: the roof from the prime ministers house is well equipped. Look by yourself:



The second thing was that i maybe was not the only one thinking of trusting people disapointed with relationship. On the picture you can see that concurents use the same advertising method…


I almost wanted to call the advertiser from the right but it seemed that it only was for couples. Well, me and i and all the people living in my head maybe needed this talk. There was unfortunatly no number for the advertiser on the left. But even if “Jesus loves people” i am not really sure that i want to confess him my non-relationships problems… Anyway.

The lunch was super nice, i haven’t met this friend since years and it was a pleasure to share some moments with him. I also got 2 books, one about birds and one about wild animals in Sweden because my friend did remember that i always wanted to learn the names in swedish. If i may know the wild animals, i am not yet perfect for the birds, so this was a very good attention, thanks S!

The afternoon was devoted to photography: a visit at the fotografiska museet (where i became a member, which means that i can go there for free as much as i want during one year). On my way there, i thought a lots of a club companion from Vilsta IK that will run there on saturday. The flags are up and i wish everyone good luck!


From the 4 exhibitions that i saw, i really liked 3 of them. The portraits of Albert Watson were funny and special. Edward Burtynsky has a good way to stop the time and the evolution of our society. To watch his pics gives some high, like
what are we doing everyone there, how is it looking now? My fav exhibition was the one with pictures of Jacob
, who captured different cities on the same negative and made wonderful shots of it. It was really beautiful pictures, full of dreams and feelings. Yeah, i also want to live close to you! to who?

Look Jacob at work, it explains how he did these nice effects on the pictures:


You can see some of the pictures of the exhibition there too:


Out of the museum, it was time for me to make some cliks. Not as good as Jacob och Albert or Edward but i need to learn…










I took the 2 last pictures in a cemetary. There was of course a church there and unfortunatly, a burial. Well, people have to be burried somehow, but sad to see sad people. Like a voyeur, i looked at the people waiting for the body to go out from the church (well all this sounds pretty strange with my english, but understand it like that: it was the end of the ceremony inside the church and the box with the body was waited outside by the relatives). Everyone except the kids seemed to be very sad and there was one woman, waiting like 50 m a little bit farther, looking at this pretty seriously. I couldn’t help myself and thought that she maybe was the lover of the guy who was burried and no one knew about her.

I also began to think of where and how i would like to be burried myself. Don’t jump full of joy, i don’t plan to die in the coming future, but you never know. I always thought that i wanted to be cremated and spread in the river at the feet of the castel of Azay le Rideau. This would demand my relatives and friends to make a big effort, but for all my resting money, they would have to make a huge party. But this afternoon, when i was walking in this cimetary, somehow i thought that it would be nice to lay down in earth, somewhere where it is beautiful, where people can come in some years and think that my firstname was cute and maybe call their coming baby like me. I dunno. I used to think that it doesn’t really matter where you end when you’re dead. If people loved you, they will keep a place in their earth for you. And i also used to think that we don’t need special week ends or days to think of people who left us, that if your feelings and memories are strong enough, you will think of them when it is needed. But somehow, i may become older or religious, but i think that it would be nice with some physical memory. Some thing where some day, maybe totally unknown people, would stop and think “what did this person do during her life?”. It would also be nice to have other proofs about the fact that i lived, like maybe a book, or some positive actions, a road, pictures with meaning?

I took a long walk back to the city and a propos dead people, here was one living again. Even the mannequin in the window were chocked.


This was funny to look at him, he was a very talented dancer and maybe 50-100 people were aroung clapping and smiling. The police came too. Joykiller. In about 30 seconds, everyone disapeared and Mikeal had to deal with the cops and turn off the music. Maybe i am too naive but i did not understand why it has to stop. The guy was good, people around seemed happy and the music was not too loud. Who cares actually… Sweden is sometimes too clean.

In the bus back home, i slept. Not the whole rtavel but a lots of it, which makes me pretty pig (hihi, fit i mean) tonight. This is shit weather outside and i have laundry to make, but not before noon. I can swear that i will sleep like a baby and if it is raining tomorrow morning when i will wake up, i will totally put the other side of my face on the pillow and sleep for a while.

The song of the day is a support to all the people who wanted to fly somewhere:

Don’t hold yourself like that
cause You’ll hurt your knees
well I kissed your mouth, and back
But that’s all I need
Don’t build your world around 
Volcanoes melt you down

And What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I’ll ask for the sea

Don’t throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your back
Is that all you need?
Don’t drag my love around 
Volcanoes melt me down

What I give to you is just what I’m going through
This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding 
what I really need is what makes me bleed
But like a new disease, Lord, she’s still too young to treat