It happened a lot during 2011 for me. Both at work and in my private life. I think i know myself a little more now and for those who wondered, it gave me a pinch of self-confidence. As if i had a lack of it.
I began the year in Stockholm. Not in my plans, i should have been in Paris but the weather and the trains decided it in another way. So Stockholm it was. With a lots of snow and a cold temperature. I had a will to change something in my life. The fact that i was stuck in Sweden with suddently a lots of free time in a period of my life where every hour was booked (hum, is that that much different now?!) was an amorce for the reflexion.
The weather was wonderful, i remember i took some really long walks alone with music in the ears.
I also got a new phone number. A private one. It had not happened since 2006 or so since it was ok to use the phone from work and getting a bill at home for the private conversations. It was part of my plan to get reachable on another phone than the one of my work.
Iwas also living in some sentimental illusions and remembered the old times of getting in love when i was a teenager. It is funny how some memories make you hang on for a little while. But now i know that i prefer a looooottts more to have something real as i have now. Comes later.
Funny enough, i was already entering my 30-years crisis and listing things i had to do before to leave the 20’s. I still haven’t done a thing from my list that was following:
– bath in a fountain in Rome
– give free hugs under the Eiffel tower
– be statics in a film
– send a message in a bottle
– write a handwritten fan letter to my favo artist
– stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without hving gone home
– drink beer at oktoberfest in Munich
– sleep under the stars
– drive a convertible with the top down and the music very loud
I only have some months left until i turn 30 and i am still feeling bad about getting in the et un et deux et trois zéro gang. Horrible.
I was in Linköping too in January. It was cold and i was writting a lot on here. I also had a lots of readers every day, it was motivating me to write, even if the quality of the texts did not improve that much!
I watched my first hockey game live ever.
The day after, i was wondering about my life (again). This was pretty philosofical, i remember i sat quite a long time on the floor with this old rapport of mine and was astonished by my writtings as a young girl. I really had no idea when i was 22 that i would live in Sweden one day and becoming a swede on the papper too.
I was also feeling succesfull at work. I was self-secure, convinced that i was doing the right things, even if it was not mainstream at the office. I still think now, almost one year later, that i was right. I had a lots of meetings with people with very different bakgrounds and these contacts were rich, always giving me something. I hope deep inside me that at the end of my life i will have given more to the “humanity” than what i received. I feel pretty lucky, like i got more than i gave until now, but i hope it will be equal at the end. Somehow, why should i deserve that much good things on my way if i am not giving a part of myself back to the world?
I discovered Johnossi and i can tell you that i listened to their CDs every single morning before to go at work and it was loading me with pure energy.
I was still working pretty hard, but february was also the month when i got my first interviews for a new job. This did not take anything of my motivation at my at the time work, i was just dreaming of some changes. Actually mostly in my private life, that i was finding boring since it was not happening nothing new at home. I was spending a quiet and lonely life in Eskilstuna, which could be comfortable but which was taking my breath away. I did not want to turn 30 and have this kind of life. So i thought a good change would be to move and maybe to make something different at work. Fresh air after 5 years at the same place. But somehow, you have to see the big things in the little ones sometimes to enjoy what you have for real and see that you’re not that sad actually.
I was also preparing the half marathon of Paris and it was quite difficult to take long runs when it was so cold outside, so i spent a couple of hours spinning in the cave at work. I knew i would survive the half-mara but i wanted to make a better time, like faster. I was on a good way since i ran for the first time 10km under 50min in februari.
You will get the rest of 2011 in short version tomorrow. At least a little. It takes time to go through the rests of your life!