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PMS monster

It’s getting very obvious. I’m changed since I gave birth to my daughter. In many good ways, but there is one I can’t control. The PMS monster living in me is waking up once a month and taking over my whole personality. I get both very angry and very sad in the same day, observing myself from the outside and not understanding what’s happening. I loose totally control over myself and become an awful people to get around.

This is so strong and something I can’t handle. These PMS days, I would like to be at home and meet no one but at the same time, I need loving people around me, comforting me.

I hate this state because I’m not feeling myself. I use to wake up, not understanding why I’m already upset, while it happened nothing at all. I cannot work normally because I can’t get off this state of mind and I get very unpleasant as soon as I got some contradictions to deal with (which happens all the time). I feel like a bad colleague. At home, I get angry, impatient and no one knows how to get around with me. I feel like a very bad wife and mother.

On the outside, I’m like before, but on the inside, the monster is eating me up once a month.

If you ask me, the world will be gender neutral when women with hormones and cycles perturbations will be able to just do what the f*** they want during these aweful times without giving any explanation.

Creativity

Sorry for the non writting on here for a while, life is happening. I tried to give the priority to some creativity the past days and it resulted in some tries of making digital drawings of pictures from books I have at home. I try to become friend with Inkscape and understand how it works. I find the software OK to draw with but it demands kind of precision with the mouse and I only have my touchpad so I need to keep calm and focused.

On this try bellow, I plaid with the gradients. Not easy to get them right but after one hour of play, I got this magnolia. Comments? Advices?

Summertime

Long time no writting on here, sorry. I have been busy with some extra formation for work and I wanted to spend the time left on “free time” with my family. I got the last testes this week, so after that, I will be all ready for some more time on here.

This year, we will probably have a long summer vacation, so we decided (Well, I did and then, up to me to make it work for the three of us…) tp take the train to France, where we will spend some times at my parents place. Last week end, we booked the train between Hamburg and Basel and now, we just have to sew the rest of the travel. It’s fun.

With this plan, then, we have to rethink our way of travelling. Z will be 2,5 years old, we will probably change trains a couple of times before to be at our destination, so we bought a bag pack for carrying our little girl. This will be a challenge, because one will carry her and one will carry the other bag pack, including all our things. Well, fun!

I’ll tell more on it on it was after this summer, I hope it will be funny!

2 years

Our little girl is turning 2 years today. So much happened! Last year,she was walking for her first birthday and this year, she talks. What will she do next year?

The day she was born, it was cold (-19) and very sunny. Today, it’s grey and very slippery. Z got a keyboard and we enjoy being at home the 3 of us.

Knitting

In winter, I like to knitt in front of the TV, it makes me feel like I spend my time more usefully when I do something with my hands.

My latest project was to knit a sweater for me. I made one this summer, but even if I followed all the instructions for the size, it did not fit me -at least the Me who doesn’t want to show the belly in winter. So I gave this one to my little sister and went to buy some new wool.

This one is one piece of knitting, meaning no sewing between different parts and it was the first time I tried and I loved it! You can try your work while knitting it and it allows you to change the size and everything so the sweater will fit you! Great! I used a circular needle and then socks needls for the arms.

It took me two months to knit, pretty quick to be me but we watched TV a lot this fall.

I like pretty much the pattern of islandic pullover, so I will try to make one, based on the same model than the one I just did but with variation in the colors. I’ll keep you posted!

Let’s learn and create

This wa sa strange day today. Z is sick since yesterday evening, meaning a bad night for everyone. I woke up pretty “translated” this morning and much more tired than every day this vacation. Bad karma when work begins again on monday…

Yesterday, I finished to knitt a pullover for me and it was the first time I made this kind, I’ll tell in another post later. Anyway, I don’t have any knitting project for the moment, and I feel pretty bored while watching TV then. I like to make something with my hands when I watch something. So I decided to sort things out in my little hobby place. And then, magic happened! I cleaned my desk!

So now, no excuses anymore, I’ve got a proper place to learn and create. I’ve got some goals for spring, related to work but which will need some attention from me on the evenings and I want to write, draw, design and of course have this blog a little bit more updated. So now, I’m ready! 2019 can only be full of inspiration and new thoughts!

My 2018

A new year began and it’s very popular to write some resumé of the passed year. I think I’ve written some reviews almost every year… I found these one in the archives: 2008 , 2011, 2012, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 .

This year 2018 passed by pretty quickly. It was a good year, when we still enjoyed being at home full time (we shared M & I exactly alike) until Z began preschool in february. After that, we were alternatively at home with her on wednesday and it was a good idea. For her: she was only 1 year when she began and needed the rest in the middle of the week. For us: it is an incredible luxury not to work in the middle of the week. If someone is wondering about taking a day off, take it on wednesday! Monday and Friday just puts you in a longer week end and if you partner is working theses days, you won’t do other than being an “housewife”. On wednesday, it’s all benefit! You habe 2 fridays in the week and get some energy together for the two last days of the weeks. It was wonderful for us.

2018 was also the year when M stopped to comute to Stockholm and got a job in Uppsala where we live, in a company giving him the opportunity to do new and interesting things. This changed our lifes: 3 hours more every day for him to do other things than sitting in a train or a metro. For me and Z it meant much more quality time with each of our triade. Wonderful!

I had a rough automn at work, putting some of my plans on the blog on hold because I had to much to think about with work. This polluted a bit my life, but 2019 will be different, for reasons I won’t talk about, and you know why? Because this blog is not about work, it’s all about dreams, inspiration and creation!

I began a good habbit 2018: I went swimming once a week with a friend and it was good for my body and for my soul! I hope this friend want to make it 2019 on and on!

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

Arrived at home during the second night of january (well, how do you count: does january begin with a short night or with a long day?), we were welcomed by a storm in Sweden. Quite difficult landing but we (the pilots) managed. Yesterday was a slow day. We woke up at noon, put some order in the flat and Z was rediscovering it by herself.

When the evening arrived, we wanted to watch something easy for our head, not too dark, not too idiotical either. Our choice landed on “the ballad of Buster Scruggs” and it was a good choice! 6 short films in one, short western stories showing ups and downs in what the life at the beginning of USA was supposed to be. We liked it very much, so run to your Netflix and watch it!

Broken dream or an occasion to start over?

We are actually taking a break from our normal life by visiting my parents for Xmas in France. This is good to cut the normal routine, even if our soon to be two years old is very challenging exactly because of that… Rules you know are not made to be broken when you have a little brain forming itself, at least not for the peace of the parents.

Anyway, we’ll survive!

This automne has been very challenging for me at work on a special level. Many times, I thought I would give up but somehow, I grew stronger from it. I never really found any point in learning from mistakes. I always thought (and do it even more now) that it’s a mental way to find some “good excuse” to survive the challenge we have to face right now. To be honest, I would rather have read a good book about what happened to me than go through it myself as I did. Anyhow, I took advantage of unexpected occasion to take a new path. Not radically new, but though, a little. By it, I don’t need to have any wishes for 2019. So no promise to break either hihi

Grey and focus

This period of the year in Sweden is like you feel that the world will go down, every day.

It’s grey, rainy and the light period during the day is short. Two weeks to the coming vacation and every cell in my body want it. We have been sick on and off (always one of us 3) and the every day Life is challenging.

But! Better to focus on the little well defined goals that I decided before I wanted to work toward. Just focus.