It feels a little bit like…

Bleh. Yes, it feels like a bleh, the sound you make when you feel sick and throw up. My day felt like I ate a bit of pumpkin and had to throw it away. For those who don’t know, I don’t like pumpkin since the day I ate of it while having stomach problems. Now, I associate pumpkin with puking. All the time. 

It began yesterday evening when I was preparing myself to go out. It’s M’s birthday today, so we went out yesterday to eat fine dinner. And I thought “Let’s get pretty!” I wanted to put on one gold bracelet I got from my father for my baccalauréat. So I opened the drawer and nothing. The little box where I have all (few though) fine jewelery was gone. I remembered of course that I put it away before the visits from our flat. So I walked with decided steps to the place I usually put things with some value, meaning with our passeports. And there: nothing. My jeweleries are gone!

It was a bit tight with the time yesterday, we had a dinner at the restaurant ahead, so we ran to the bus and I already thought of all that was in this little box: the wedding ring of my grand pa (the only thing I had left from him), several presents from my parents at different occasions and so on. But the wedding ring. I was feeling sick, as I described with the pumpkin thing. But it was no idea to ruin M’s birthday dinner, so I tried to focus on other things. One other theme we have to avoid if we want to keep a smile on our lips is seeling our flat. This is going very bad, so we tried not to think about it.

I thought all the time about this little box. I got it one day as a kid from my mother, and had my week money in it. Inside of it, there is still a little piece of paper with this inscription: “680 francs” which was the money I saved at the peak of my wealth as a kid. The tape is all yeallow now, at least the last time I saw the box.

We had at the end a nice evening, but this morning, I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to turn our flat up and down to see if the little box is at home. We have being sorting out things pretty hard lately and giving away or throwing away a lot and if I remember very well when I opened the box the last time, I cannot remember what I did of it after that. I cannot remember what I’ve done from my grand pa wedding ring. And this makes me really sad.

I went down in the basement, tried to open the boxes that we carried down since we began our sorting out but I am afraid that I throw this box away by mistake. We turned upside down our whole flat, I looked at every impossible places if the box is somewhere and the conclusion for tonight is: No, the box is nowhere to be found. At least not at home.

It cuts my heart in thousand of pieces. There are few things in our flat that are important for real: our passerports, the keys and this little box, which contains things that cannot be replaced. And this box is gone.

I have to keep my head clear, there are different possiblities:

1) the box is in the garbage. Then, too bad.

2) the box is at this second hand shop I gave things away. I tried to contact them but it’s all closed on sunday of course. And the chance to have the things left is pretty little, not to say inexistant.

3) the box is somewhere hidden in our flat. At this point, I hope that the moving company that will help us to move will find it.

4) the box is already packed in another box in the basement. Then we will discover it again when we will pack our things up in Uppsala this summer.

No one is dead, no one is sick but I feel so bad not having been responsible enough to take care of a little box with a little ring in it. I feel bad. For that and also for the fact that I did not send flowers to my mother today. Happy mother day, Maman!

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Pause

this is happening really much right now and I am getting nervous for the half marathon that is coming next week end. I travel a lot for the work and haven’t the time to train as much as I want. Plus that I am very tired.

Yesterday, M came back from Ljungby and I decided to replace a running time with a walk time. The picture bellow was taken on my way downtown. It was all peaceful to walk there. Wonderful!

Mine thing I like with our moving: this life with M away from home two nights every week is almost over! When we have moved, we will sleep in the same bed every night! I cannot wait! The reason is actually that our life will be more continuous somehow and not with this pause in the middle of the week when M travels south. Ok, we will Jörg have to take the train a certain amount of hours every day but we can have a normal family life. This is great!

I am sitting at my hair dresser and this is a sad thing: I need to find another one and this will be hard to top my current one: she is wonderful! 

  

A brand new day

Sunday. The day of the sun? I don’t know, but it works very well today. It’s almost 9.20 and I already have been up since 2 hours almost. Not that I wanted to, just that I had to… In 2 weeks, the half marathon will be over and I really need to have a last long pass before the “competition”. I even wonder if I should run in my special running clothes for the occasion, but I won’t. Anyway, I need a 2 hours run today and I am already bored. This is not hard nor for the legs neither for the heart, but for the head: I bore myself when I run alone a long time. Well, I-country problem.

Yesterday, we were very active: we sorted out everything from our basement. We should have done it before the previous moving but anyway. Now it’s done. It resultated in a lots of throw away, a lots of give away and just the essential is kept. It feels actually really good to know that we know exactly what we own today and that we need what we have. OK, some things are more needed than others (camping stuff just go out once every two years) but even. It is a big difference with two days ago. I am looking forward to keep our life our off uneeded consumption! As a step in this direction, I even brought back a par of shoes to the shop. I bought them wednesday, in a moment of mental dispair and realized that I would wear them maybe 3 times a year, so no. Back to the shop! *proud of me*

Another funny thing a little special today –well, actually it wasyesterday but I did not bother– is the Eurovision Song Contest and its impact on Sweden. I think that I already wrote about that on here (I wonder so strong each year…) but the ESC is totally crazyness in Sweden. It begins early in the winter with national competions and who will represent Sweden at the real ESC (and this tactic might work since Sweden won 6 times…) but this is so boring if you don’t like this kind of untertainment: it takes every saturday evening, monopolizes the news in the national news paper, polutes on my facebook feed and you may have this songs in your head for the rest of your life if you listen too much to the radio. Any radio, because it is so popular! But don’t missunderstand me: I am not telling that the music is bad or so, just that this phenomena takes more importance than the fact that a racist political part is the third biggest in Sweden. Ooops, did I just talk about the elefant in the room? Well, let’s this discussion come back to a normal level. So yesterday, it was the final, the big final of the ESC in Austria. For those who don’t know, the country that wins will be host for the competition the year after. So Måns Zelmerlöw, who is according to my opinion a professional, talented both singer and program leader, sung his song for Sweden. In his show, he was – still according to me- creative with an animation and not as usual, half naked girls dancing as if they wanted to have sex right now (this is also another discussion about sexism in popular culture, let’s save it for another post). Måns had a light person dancing around and making high five with him. This was untertaining. What about the lyrics then? You can find them here  for exampel. Well. I don’t get the whole. This is too me half religious, half “not taking my responsabilities”, half Carpe Diem wannabe. I don’t know. The song is catchy but I like to feel some relation to the text when I sing a song and with this one I don’t. Was it a try to encourage people to act towards each other with more solidarity? In this case, I approve. And in other case, well, I approve as well, this is art. You want to know the funniest part of this? We read in DN that the prime minister wil call Måns on monday to congratulate him. Like “I wait working hours to make this phone call”. We laughed loud during breakfast here in our home.

Another political dimension to this is to hear the song of Russia (like “millions people want peace” or something) and see if Ukraina gave them some points. I don’t know, we were watching something else. Oh yeah, maybe I should have told that from the beginning: M and I don’t watch the ESC.

It is now 9h50, time for me to take myself out for a long run. Wish me luck and have a good day!

Yellow

They are places on Sweden look right now: all yellow! This makes a big contrast from the grey sky.

I was in Stockholm for work today and in the train this morning, I sat on the side of the most bitter human being on earth. She motivated me to be in extra good mood, even though I was totally tired.

I hold a training day today and talked the whole day about difficult things but felt like the group got it. Good feeling!

Now, time for the week end, with some sorting out on the program. There are much thugs in our cave that we don’t want to carry for our moving in June…

Spread some love around you and hug someone!

 

Solution against stress

oh life is going so fast right now. I left home around 5.30 on Tuesday morning and went to Stockholm for work. On the evening, I was in Gothenburg to prepare the day after, and all that with a mix of sun and rain as companion. 

Yesterday was an intense meeting and travel day. I have pretty much a lot to do with my work but I cannot make it in the train: I am feeling sick after 5min reading so I just have to wait and look through the windows during these hours of travel. This is a bit stressing when you know that your week only has a certain amount of hours.

Yesterday evening, M and I went to the vaccination center to protect us against TBE. It seems that we will live on the country side from this summer and we don’t want to be sick. This is one exciting part of our moving: to live in a house on the country side!

Today, I should have been in Stockholm again but I choose to stay in Linköping in order to get some work done effectively.

I have some troubles to sleep in the mornings nowadays. I don’t know if it’s because I wonder how I will make all that is around to fix or if it’s because the sun is up really early right now in Sweden and it’s getting worse!! So this morning, I made something I found courageous: i went out for a run! This was only joy, happiness and calm outside. It made me really good. 

  

Week 18, 19 & 20

The time just dissapeared these past weeks, so I have been pretty bad at telling you how my training program went. Sorry. At the same time, you will see, this was weeks with ups and downs.

Week 18

  • monday: riding. I had the privilege to jump with Chivas, a new horse for me and it was all like I wanted it: quiet and safe. It was all nice!
  • Tuesday: running 8 times 3,3 min with 90 sec rest in between. It was a little bit kind of panic here at home, between the pictures for the selling of our flat and a lots of logistic things before the vacation, so no training.
  • friday: 500 set strength from Lofsan. Well, it was hard to motivate myself to make anything after two long days in the car through Germany. I wanted to enjoy the company of my sister and her boyfriend instead, much better!
  • saturday: 70 min running, hopefully with my sister. We woke up early to eat our breakfast and it was raining cats and dogs. We waited a little bit, but the rain never stopped, so after too many hesitations, we just got dressed for success and went out for a run in her hoods. It was 19 km in terrible rain together, not very quick (2h08), but we were talking all the time and it was much more sympathetic to make a long pass together with her than alone. So check!

Week 19

  • Tuesday: running 10 times 70 sec with 20 sec rest in between, two sets with 2:30 min rest between the sets. Well. maybe because of the long pass from friday, or maybe because of a big party on saturday, this Tuesday was a cold one, with a running nose and a big headache. So was the week after as well. So nothing.
  • thursday: 500 set strength from Lofsan. Nothing because if my cold.
  • sunday: running 90 min. We had to go to Uppsala the whole day, and I still had my cold around, so nothing. Honestly, I began to be a little afraid for the half marathon. The weeks are being less, this is coming soon!

Week 20

  • monday: riding. No riding because of other things for our moving, unfortunately.
  • tuesday: running 8 times 3 min with 1 min rest in between. This day, I had to celebrate a good friend turning 33, so I gave the priority to this. And I was totally tired, because of the previous week and the activities caused by our moving.
  • thursday: 10 min at 5:50 min/km, 10 min at 5:40 min/km, 10 min at 5:30 min/km, 10 min at 5:20 min/km. Somehow, the visit of our neighbours the day before “made me” week. Or I provocated it by myself? Anyway, a nice evening and a hang over later, I just ran 4km in the woods. It was also my first pass since almost 2 weeks, so it was a good way to begin again.
  • saturday: 50 min at 7 min/km 20 min at 5:40 min/km and 50 min at 7 min/km. Well. I wished. Instead it was 10 km in 1h02. I think that my clock has a problem, because when I came back home and watched the time for each kilometer, it did not show any under 6,15 min/km but an average from 6,08. Well. The run was boring and pretty hard for my legs. I felt my hips hurting a little bit and that was the reason why I did not make the run longer. I will make it long next week end and then, prepare myself in the last weeks.


Few weeks left until the half marathon of Linköping arrives… Let’s see how I manage my last training!

Thoughts

Sunday. As usual, alone at home. M took the train around 17 this afternoon and he left me with my thought. I’m not jealousof him, he was also carrying some with him in his backpack. Our flat history is giving us grey hair and honestly, I hope it will not go deeper. I’d not be able to take it.

I have been going around in our flat, thinking too much of course and the best thing I should have done was to take a big long run to make all these thoughts go away for a while. Instead, I made some excel sheets, calculated the money we will loose and how long it would take to save it back. Not the best way to prepare for a good night sleep.

But then, I remembered a good tool: my diary. I used to write in it almost every evening but since M entered my life, I have been quite quiet in it. Tonight, it was good to check my life, tell all the things I feel are unfair and all the good things that are happening to us. We made giant steps in some weeks, so it’s not surprising that we are having some sand in our shoes. To walk on the beach in the sunset is not always easy, even if the view is beautiful.

So for now, I will let down the fact that other people don’t value our flat as much as we do, I will let down the fact that medias once again just write about bullshit, I will let down the fact that I won’t have a hug from M until wednesday evening and I will try to remember how supporting he is with me.

To quote John Lennon:

Everything will be OK at the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.

  

Godfather marathon

Saturday. Incredibly quiet to be in the middle of our change of life. I have to admit that there is no need to be sorry for us: we were out on Tuesday, we had our neighbours over on Wednesday and we were invited for dinner yesterday. So this is OK.

And this is also the first time since a couple of weeks that we feel we can breathe a little. We cancelled our planned trip to Uppsala tomorrow, so there will be a little sleep, but tomorrow is also the day for new visit of our apartment.

We had a sleeping morning today, ate a calm breakfast together as we use to do every week-end and after some hours of motivating talk to myself, I went out for a run. We I came back home, I found M in our bedroom, playing guitar on our bed. He hasn’t had the time to make it for weeks so it was a pleasure to see him a little relaxed as well.

This is very exciting this with our moving. We will have a whole new area to discover, a new way of living (if it’s working as we plan it to) and plenty of new things to take pictures of. The sad part is to live our friends. The boring part is to manage to sell our current apartment. This is not going the way we thought really and this is causing us a little trouble. So far, we couldn’t do things differently, so we just have to be patient, but this is kind of hard to think that we may lose money in a real estate climate that is hot right now in Sweden. It feels like unfair that we would be the only couple in Sweden loosing money right now by selling a flat. Let’s see how it will turn out.

For now, good night. Godfather number two will be watched to the end later tomorrow!

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