Zero posts left!

I did it: I cleaned the blog from all strange formatings and now, it is ready to be maybe exported into a papper version, like 10 years anniversary.

So far, we had a cool saturday. First of all, we slept until laaaate, very laaaate because we had like tons of sleep to take back. Then, after breakfast, we watched an episod of House of Cards (season 3 out since yesterday on Netflix) and I am astonished by their story: the serie is still keeping the suspens up and it is well done!

After that, I went for a run, but the story telling of that will come on tuesday. We had lunch, we watched some othr episodes and then, I went to bed for a nap. I haven’t done that in ages it seemed, but I was really tired.

Time for some cosy moment for M and I, this is saturday after all, have a good one!

Give your heart a home

Kärleksholmen. What a cute namen (in swedish) to talk about a home. Our flat is my kärleksholm. When I had a long day at work, or when I was out running under the rain, I am always happy to go through the front door and get back home. I could spend all my vacations at home as well and the more the time goes, the less I want to leave or travel.

Why is that so? I believe this is because I feel safe here. First of all. I also feel understood. M listens to me in all conditions and takes care of me when I am sad. He makes me smile and that means a lot.

Another reason why I feel good in my home is because we choose every single furniture together. We sold the one we did not like, we have peacefull colors and we don’t have any Tv. This is an important point for the rest of our souls, in this agitated environment. We talked to each others and spend evenings in calm, or listening to music we made an active choice to listen to. This may be the key: I feel safe at home because I choose to live my life here exactly the way I and M want to. There is no rush at home. If someone is tired and wants to sleep, even if it’s the middle of the day, we just do it. Why should we live up to other expectations of “enjoying our lifes” like running after everything around?! No. We live how we want to, in our kärleksholm.

2015_IMG_9306 - Kopia

A walk alone

I went out from work pretty early today and the sun was shining. These past days have been kind of a taste of spring here in Sweden and I came back home, change my clothes, grabbed my camera and went outside for a walk in the nature. This was sunny, seemed warm but it was a bit cold and wet on the ground. The snow has melt down pretty much everywhere now and this gave a feeling of reborn. Somehow, this winter that was all grey and a little white is soon over. At least I wish.

I had no music or podcast with me, and it was good. I offered myself an hour of meditation and calm. This was also a good way to rethink of a discussion I had today with a colleague at work. We were talking about the feeling to be needed. She felt liek she really needs to know or at least to feel that she is needed on earth. It may be at work, at home, in her hobby relationships or with her kids. She constantly needs to feel that she helped someone or that someone needed her. Spontaneously, when she asked me what I thought of that, I said that no, I don’t think anyone needs me. If I would dissapear tomorrow, for sure, some people may be sad, but everyone could continue their lifes as if I was here. I am not usefull to anyone. She looked at me and said “What are you on earth for if not to be needed by someone? What do you do of your relationship with your boyfriend for example?”.

This was a pretty strange reflection I thought. My boyfriend was on earth 4 years before I was born and he was an independant adult when I met him, so no, I don’t think he needs me to survive. He can take care of himself, and that with our loan for our flat, there are insurances for that. So, no, my boyfriend doesn’t need me in that way. And to base a relationship on the fact that he would need me? What for a strange idea! I prefer think that our relationship is based on doing things together instead of doing things for each others. I don’t want to make my boyfriend dependant of any thing by me, I want him to stick to me just because he likes it, not because I have skills that he hasn’t and cannot live without.

I never feel that I am needed. This may be different when you have kids, but so far, I have no one. If I’m not needed, I don’t have to respond to some conditions, I don’t have to be good enough for someone else. I just have to be good enough to me. This makes that I am never afraid of making someone dissapointed. This doesn’t need that I don’t care, but I treat my people with respect and don’t expect big things from others either. Just come as you are and you’re welcome.

I thought of that a lot when I walked tonight and had the thought that it may be a very egoistic way of thinking. I am not sure though. I help people around when I can but I never expect exact the same people to help me back. I think that there is one universal rule: when you die, the sum of what you gave and what you got is zero. So someone will help me in another occasion, when I will need it.

2015_IMG_9234 - Kopia

Me and 3 058 372 717 others

today it is Wednesday. And not a Wednesday as every other. No. It is Payday. And I should have thought of that before I planned a visit to ikea and to re food shop.

M and I at home are half chaotic half in ordnung as one says in German. This means that when we put things for the first time in their place, it looks always very nice but we are not very serious at putting them back exactly as we thought the first time. This is translated into chaos. So I decided to go to ikea and to buy boxes of all good sorts and found them. I also found a lots of people buying tons of things and the queue to pay was nice. I thought him this will be nice for the next stop, that I really must do! 

No, I am not talking about wanting to pee, no. The next stop was to the food shop: everything is empty at home. It was crowed. People rolling around with trolleys full with food, drinks and things. It made me sick. Actually, the older I get, the less I like to be in a crowd. Well, I found almost everything that was on my list, made some quick changes because of laziness (who wants to walk across a shop full of people to pick up 50gr almonds?? And by the way, I heard this morning that the culture of almonds is very water consuming and they are produced for example in California, where water is lacking. so actually, who wants to eat almonds?) and hop I was out with less money and more food. And two lottery tickets. You never know!

I am now waiting for M at the station, the day was long for us both I guess!



Well, after scraping, it seems that we need to get up as usual tomorrow…

Week 8…

.. and 0 activity. Like Zero. Like No one at all.

My body is striking somehow: I had a flue during 2 weeks almost (week 7 and this week number 8), so I did ride horse last monday but did not rum a meter since my last 14 and something kilometers. This week, I did not even ride since my stomach hurted and I felt like a dog having eaten too much forbidden things. Well, not that I know how it feels for real, but I felt like that.

Anyhow. We are week number 10 of this year 2015. The half marathon of Linköping is week number 23. I have 10 weeks to speed up my training. 10 weeks!!! Holly s***! This is a way too short!

I have even no idea how much I am weighting, but I am not feeling like I would fly if I would take a run right now. The weather conditions are not very motivating either (rain and aroudn 0 degree) but I am hoping of the days getting lighter. They are not enough light in the morning yet, but maybe a little bit more in the evening.

So OK, let’s check where I am: I can run 15 km in a row. I have two very motivated competitors (my little sis and my cousine), my advantage being that I know by a fact that I can run 21 km in a row . My running motivation is pretty low right now.I have a full time job that makes me travel here and there during the week. I can run in the mornings when I’m not travelling for work but then, I come late at work, I can run during the week ends and maybe sometimes on the evening. The ground in the woods is not very safe yet (icy), but the bike lanes are ok. Plus that I don’t want to sacrifice my horse back riding on mondays.

What will my plan be?

13 weeks is pretty ok to make a progression in the length of my long runs up to 21 km. If I maintain and make the steps progressive, I could make it. For the speed, I need to run some intervals. I know that once a week is hard, but maybe once every two weeks would be a good beginning. and I need to run a third time a week with a middle long distance to maintain some habbit. 3 times a week would be great.

Picture borrowed on runner’s world

 

The return

The boat we took for the return was a way better and newer than the boat of Friday. We ate dinner in a nice restaurant and had a nice cabin, even if the space was limited.

(null)

The arrival in Stockholm this morning was early, but the sun showed its nose.

(null)

We also had the pleasure to be in traffic jam and we finally arrived in Linköping, tired but really happy if this week end. These two days felt almost like two weeks! Thanks again L and T for your time, your turn now!

Unfortunately, I feel pretty bad today with s hurting stomach and a warm forehead. Early night for me with wishes of getting better soon!

Company and snowman (again!)

The trip on the boat to Finland went well. There was not too much people and the loading with the car allowed us to be first on the boat almost, by obliged to wait in some waiting room it get on board: you stay in your car and you just drive in the boat.

We are at one of the restaurant and it was not a cheap business for two hamburgers… Anyway, both M and I were very tired, so we just ate and took a little visit on the boat.

A band was playing some Roxette covers and it was pathetic to watch this: experienced artists singing for maybe 20 people and no one was clapping hands. Well, after that, it was time for some dansband and three couples danced.

We went pretty quick in our cabin and let us swing in our dreams by the boat.

At 5 in the morning Swedish time (which is one hour later in Finland) we woke up and went slowly to the car for the arrival in Finland. The sun was still in bed and it was all foggy around. We arrived in an industrial harbor and the mood was strange, perfect mood for a film about disappeared people or so.

We drove about 1h30 and came to our friends place in Rauma. It was pretty early so we began with a good breakfast. Then, before to fall in a sleep coma, we went downtown for a walk and a visit of the city. We met this sculpture on our way:

(null)

We went back home and took a nap. The night was short, so we needed to refill. After that, we bathed sauna and we spent a really nice evening together. Really nice!

When I woke up in the morning, I noticed the fresh snow, about 15 cm. and very good snow to make a snowman, admire:

(null)

Well! Now the me for some more social time before to travel back home!

A car and a boat

We are sitting in our car just after the check-on to the famous finlandsbåt, known for its party on international water with tax free and so on. We are traveling to Finland to visit a couple of friends and their little baby and this was the best way (and cheapest: 100 euros for a car and two adults bak and forth!) to go there.

Actually, we are dead tired, this is Friday after all. And a little hungry as well.

Let’s see how the evening will turn out!

(null)