Fake it until you make it


this is the picture that should have been published with the post from yesterday but somehow, this art did not want to follow the words. You get it today, it was in Södertälje, when a tongue of ocean goes into the land.

Today was a day that was looking like spring, except all the snow and the thermometer showing too little numbers. Well, ok, it was only sunny. This may have been pretty rare, because as quick as the sun shows its face, i am feeling like it’s summer. but it’s not summer at all and i am just dreaming of it.

Yesterday and today, i tried the method: fake it until you make it. Result: not successfull. I really tried to be positive and to face the day with a smile on my face, but i failed. It was a dissapointing day and i just have to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow with another try ahead. Some days are like that.

For the excitment: this is laundry day today. Oh yeah!

On the train

Sitting on te train, I am on my way to Stockholm. This is a wonderful day, cold but sunny. I’ve been missing it lately.

What if…

… i would fullfill this training program tonight? for the record, it ends at 10,6 km.

Feed back in some hours, if i survive!

I did it!!

yeah for me, i followed the plan! liters of sweat are gone but i have a big smile on my lips now.

Under this time, M was suffering from the swedish trainsystem on his way to Ljungby and as every week, i go to bed very early on monday and tuesday in order to make the time go faster until M comes back. Tomorrow, i am off to Stockholm and wednesday, there are some housewify things that are waiting for me, like laundry, buy food and so. But what wouldn’t i do to spend quality time with M when he will be back :)

One week has gone

and o smuch toughts as well! I have been dreaming (and i still am) about somthing big. No need to tell that no everyone is on my quick train this time, but let’s see!

I also have been running the first 10km in a row for this year. 61min. The old shape is far away but i am still happy that i achieved that! I even registred to a runing camp at the end of april, three days with a lots of running and a coach on the back. It’s motivating me for now, because i need to come there in some ok condition. And the best part: the week after the camp, i need t rest


I also have been playing squash two times this week end, and it was one hour today. I will feel my pain tomorrow i think, maybe i will need some help to go out of my bed.

Yesterday, we went to listen to Mando Diao and their swedish songs. It was an expensive show, when you look at the price per minute (400kr for 60 min on stage) but the music was pleasant. Sad swedish poems.

What do you do when

your sweet half caughs the whole night and the whole day and you feel so sorry for him? You use your compassion! I did it the whole week end and except the 30 min of squash this morning -squash, well more getting-beaten-by-H-time it seems, i cannot say that it was a very activ week end.

On the filmside, we watched “searching for sugar man” and it was a good documentary. We also watched the snow falling but i am seriously getting tired of this film. I want spring and all that comes with! Now!

I am nowadays fighting with myself to reduce my envy to have a dog. I would so like to have a dog. Like my little favvo dog when i was a kid/teenager. But this is not a good idea since we live in an appartment.

The song of the day will be appropriate: Sugar man. This is incredible how luck can help/unhelp you. These songs are pretty good me thinks!

yes i was kidding

or not, but the bad mood from yesterday evening dissapeared with half day at work, half day on my soffa
and some running (not done yet, soon…). Even a long week end on Gotland did cheer me up. Thanks M to survive my ups and downs! :)

I have never been to Gotland and now, we have book 5 whole days there at the beginning of june. It will be our vacationweekendofthespring and i am counting with a lots of sun, bicycle rides, bath in the ocean and so on and so on!

One year ago, i was saying good bye to my motorbike. Actually, i dreamt a lot about this during the past year, but it always felt like a relief when i woke up ans realized she was gone! Strange, it took me so much energy to get the driving licence and now, i am like happy not to have to take responsability for it.

Ah well, i should change clothes and go out for my run so long it’s light outside. Pretty luxury to be free of work in the middle of the week! But be sure, i worked hard this morning!

are you kidding me?

There are some moments in life when i feel far away from the woman i want to be. Like tonight, when i was walking home after a 11 hours working day, 2 hours half bad conference (i could have said half good but as you can read, i am not in my best mood), and a moment to buy the food of the week end, moment that has been posponed like four times at least this week. Useless to say that i needed to make this stop now. Also, walking home with a bag heavy as hell, tired, with the feeling of not going anywhere with all this snow falling, cold and so on and so on. If someone would have asked me my goal in life, i would just have answer: put this fucking bag down, sit down and cry. Why do i have to make this shit actually, when i am so weak as i am today? no idea why, maybe just tired and so. People often think that i can move mountains, that i am a very strong person, who know where i am going and so. If they would have seen me tonight, they would have laughed.

And i all of a sudden asked myself: is this really the worse thing i have ever had to live?

Without knowing me exactly, you may guess the answer. No it isn’t. I can list at least twenty things that was much more worse. But just let me be weak for a little while and don’t ask me why because you will have ridiculous reasons in return, i swear.


Saturday morning, snowstorm outside, i can sit comfortably in the soffa because i already did mine for today: i was outside around 9 and took a “run” for 7km. I won’t tell you the time, since it was very slowly, but for my defense, it is not easy to run in 10 cm snow. I wanted to make a long run all this week, but i needed time and light for that and it was only this morning that it happened. 7km is not so long actually, i was a much better runner some years ago but you know, small steps will also take one to the moon. Plus that i now have two squash partner: the prodige H and my lovely M. We made M and i our first game this thursday and it seems that it will be in our calender every week. It was funny.

For the rest of the week, i have been inspired and somehow, i will make some steps. We also went to the cinema to watch Django unchained and this was funny. The funniest was to noticed that no one in the room did understand the litterature reference between Dumas and D’Artagnan before Di Caprio did. I wonder if the reactions were different for a french public.

We finished the evening with a light dinner and a glas of wine in a little restaurant/bar on the main street in Linköping. This was a little sad that we only were like 10 people in here, the mood was a little cold but the menu, the service and the prices were really nice. Maybe we should go there more often.

I don’t really know what we have on the schedule for today. Some laundry and such boring things of course, but then, we should maybe mostly watch films at home or so. I received a second book that i ordered from Zigmunt Bauman, so i have something to read and maybe i will become a little more smart? i can always try :)

So much

I can’t even remember when I wrote on here last time but it feels like it was ages ago. This week end was special: no one of us was in a train on Friday and we spent a nice evening together at home. M was pretty tired and almost sick after a rough week so we went to bed pretty early. So it is when you get older! Saturday was the day when we discovered the real face of our common living room. All the boxes are now empty and in the basement and we like it. It feels cosy.

We had some nice visit on Saturday evening and I made a chocolate dessert that you can see on the picture. It was good, I tell you, but I can’t tell you how much butter, and such things there is in! During the afternoon we also went to wish a happy bday to a friend of us. Sunday was the day I lost four matches again H at squash. I will take my revenge someday ;) but even if I did loose so much, I really enjoy this time together, I somehow find back te child in me.

Today was a productive day at work. The only stupid thing was that I lost all what I did because of an idiot system, so I worked the whole evening tonight. It may have been a trust of being alone, gräsänka as it is called in Swedish. This is now really strange to lay alone in our bed. I need a blanket and I will try to read my first book of this filosoph from Poland, Zygmunt Bauman, about work, consummation and the new poverty. Good night!