It was a week end full of things! I met M on Friday evening at the station in Alvesta and we made the rest of the travel to Malmö together then. We enjoid the tv in the hotel room and I did not need much more than Ms company to feel happy. No sleeping morning for me on Saturday since we went there for me to write this test in English, I felt horribly old in this room with only people born in the 90s. All the people there were writing the test in order to go to the us and study. For me is abroad breakfast food since 9 years, so all their excitement was like a really old déjà vu.

Pretty bad conditions to write the test, I made it quick (4 hours) since I was angry att all this thing. I then met M who was sitting outside drinking a coffee and we then went in some shops and finally to the restaurant.

Champagne of the week there and slowly we went back home, long trip back to Ljungby. Sunday was a slow day and we enjoid a dinner with Ms mother. I went back to Linköping yesterday morning, worked and got depressed by the darkness coming so early now, with the winter time. I am right now standing at the university, today it’s time for me to prove that I understand something in Swedish . Exciting! The campus is empty and the door are closed. Very nice to wait outside by 0 degree. Have fun today!


Sitting in a class room. Long time ago since last time. First part of the test done.

Finally friday!

It was so cold today! I drove to Eskilstuna in the early morning and froze my ass in the car. We got interrupted at work by the fire alarm and it was for real, a big car came but we don’t know if there was any fire. I am now sitting at the train station, eating lunch and since it’s late lunch, I have a glass of wine, skål!


Trying to prepare myself for the toefl on Saturday, I am lying in my bed, reading loud for myself from this book. Think if I get a bad result on Saturday? All thus energy and money and time for nothing? Would be a pity. The test in Swedish will take place on Tuesday. I will spend the whole day at Linköpings university. Think if I would fail there too? I took a run tonight, when the light was between grey and black. I feel really well in my body after that, this is crazy how even my little me got addicted to endorphins and other good hormones. Another thing I noticed is that I feel a waaaay better when I regularly get some hugs from M and 5 days are definitively too much. I am really looking forward Friday evening, when we will go downtown in malmö and take a drink. Can’t wait! For now, some reading!

Becoming crazy?

Good morgning world!

This is monday morning, the sun is not shining since it’s still in bed, i have been up since 6 and at work since 7, and i’ve already done wonders here for the Swedish State. Somehow, i felt that  i needed to look at my registration to this course for which i am forced to take a swedish and a english test, you know, what i was irritated for last week. And you know what? The drama goes on!! yes!!!

I got two messages:

the first one telling me that i’m “OBEHÖRIG” to follow the course, and you know why?? because i haven’t shown that i have knowledges in english and swedish. Hey, i tell you, if i call them, someone will be deaf!

The second one is like that:

“Dokumentationen till din anmälan är inte komplett. För att vi ska kunna göra en korrekt bedömning av dina utländska
universitetsmeriter måste du komplettera anmälan med vidimerade kopior av följande dokument:- transcript (betygsutdrag) på originalspråk från dina första två år Classes Préparatoires saknas. ”

This means that they want to see my grades from the first two years after i took my baccalauréat and before i took my master degree. Also, I AM LITERALLY ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!!

1) they have no idea about how the system is in France, i can get it, but if an official public french university thought sometimes i could get this master degree with mention “good” (which means a grade above 16 from 20 possible), then I GOT IT, RIGHT?!?!!?

2) it will be their time to ROFLOL when they will see my grades form these two years. From that, they surely won’t understand and will deny me the right to study since i had maybe 8 (from 20 possible points) as a maximun. They will not get it that these two years are nothing for us, since we have like two months exam to succeed after that in order to get the right to put our feet in a school preparing for master degree.


This is really ironical. Someone with a little knowledge about the french system may laugh: to get a master degree with the way i did is one of the most difficult things to do for a student in France. We were like 5000 students competing this year in my category, i arrived like number 600 or something, got a school where only 150 students get in every year. I alsways was good at school (except in sport, i admit) and now, all this put me under the ground level. This is maybe because i never was discriminated before that i felt like that, but really, is this little internet lesson so important that i need to prostitute myself like that? I am really considering the fact to fight it a step further, to get someone to admit that it is totally ridiculous.

Right now, monday october the 22nd, 8.26, i am angry at the swedish registration system for university. Really angry.

Week end

Oh how I needed a big hug from M, I got it on Friday evening and every 10min max during the whole week end. It began on Friday with a lots of things to fix at home. My flat looked like a battle field and I needed all the time until M arrived with the train to put some order here. I ordered a taxi for him and wished to open the door and get a hug. It happened and a group of girls was passing by in the street and shouted at us ” oh, that’s so sweet!” Funny :)

Saturday was a typical autumn day: even if we were waiting for 20 degrees, it never came but we saw a lots of grey clouds and rain. We went to a book shop where they have a lots of manga and comics. Nice little shop, with intonation on little.

We bought some food and it was time for me to test my cooking knowledges: time for coq au vin jaune du Jura. We thought that the result was good! It took some time to get it on the table though, so I opened a bottle of Vouvray and we sipped it, thinking of last summer and deciding to drink bubble wine once a week end until we will get tired of it!

After the dinner, we hired “the dark knight” thinking it would be our first time watching it but both of us remembered that we already had been watching it earlier. Not a good point for the movie! So now, we are ready for the batman movie that was on the cinema screens not so long ago.

Today was a slow Sunday but we had the chance to be invited for coffee time and to get smiles from the little A (4 months old) warmed up my heart that was a little sad thinking of non-babies last week. Thanks H and A for these hours, it was lovely during this grey Sunday! My lovely M left Linköping around 17 and I came home and felt alone, but cheered up in comparison to last week. Thanks M for the love you’re giving me. For now, some reading and sleep to begin this new week on the good feet!

Back in 1996

I’ve been thinking all the day, busy and running everywhere for work, but at the same time, too much time to think. I came home pretty late tonight and i dunno how i thought of this, but i found a loooong video from one favvo singer from my young time on youtube.

This is a special thing how music can bring you back to some states of mind. For me, Ben, it was 1996 and later, it was “everyone tinks i’m a nerd but i don’t give a shit because my reality has nothing to do with your stupidity”. A little later, it was my comfort when things were a little heavy to carry by myself. When i began to study, he was my companion at nights, nights that i spent learning millions of things that i’ve forgotten now. Ben and Led Zeppelin.

1996, i thought i was immortal. I would succeed in everything. only if i gave it a try. It worked. Almost. I remember almost every morning, when i was walking to the bus stop, i was feeling “oh what a wonderful day is beginning now, i will do whatever i want”. I had energy to climb mountains and did not give a s*** about what people could think of me. Exept this boy Paul-Olivier. But he was not seeing me anyway, so i couldn’t care less. I was about to conquer the world. Was I?

Time to go to sleep, listen to that first.  

It will make a weak man mighty it will make a mighty man fall it will fill your heart and hands or leave you with nothing at all it’s the eyes for the blind and legs for the lame it is love for hate and pride for shame that’s the power of the gospel that’s the power of the gospel that’s the power of the mighty power that’s the power of the gospel gospel on the water gospel on the land the gospel in every woman the gospel in every man gospel in the garden gospel in the trees, the gospel that’s inside of you the gospel inside of me in the hour of richness in the hour of need for all of creation comes from the gospel seed now you may leave tomorrow and you may leave today but you’ve got to have the gospel when you start out on your way


I have been efficient today. At work at 7, I began with a long and useful phone call. Then, I worked like a beast and laughed at the coffee break too. Somehow it was a cosy mood at work and I enjoid the company of my coworkers. I also got a SMS that the daughter of friends of my parents, that is one year older than me got a baby today. Very happy for them, happy too that everything went well. I never was a big big fan of babies when I was younger but I can feel now that it would be great to have some descendant. I am still undecided about what for people want babies but somehow, it would be great to feel a life growing inside of me. Thinking of the geographical situation between M and me, this is not on the agenda. No idea to make a baby alone, at least during the weeks.

So even if the SMS this morning was to tell something happy, it put me in a mini depression because my turn is not about to come as it seems. And I am not getting younger so the more we wait, the less it may be and the more I will have to live with others disappointments. I exactly know what I feel for M and he is a perfect daddy material to me but it is more important to me to have a goo relationship with him than getting pregnant now. This will go, I fear it, through years of week ends commuting and maybe at the end, a move together. This is actually very personal and I would better talk to him but don’t worry, it has been the subject of a big numbers of discussions between us. We are different in acting and reacting and my love for him has to go hand in had with a respect for his reflexion times. And it’s all about trusting him. An easy loop may be: oh, but he doesn’t love me as much as i do, because he doesn’t want to move close to me. Yeah, it is an easy
mental loop. But so far, I try not to fall into it. Oh this seems like a confession, actually more like a complaining of not wanting to live up to others expectations. If only I knew myself… But welcome to this unfair world little girl and congrats to C and her man!


Of course I am a lucky girl. I slept over my deception of yesterday and I actually registered to the toefl, so next Saturday, hello malmö, I am testing my English! It will be an occasion for M and I to see the sea. I went to Stockholm for work today and even if it was a really early morning, it was so far a good day. I even succeed with jumping into an earlier train and by this save some Swedish krones to my company. Nice! Lets sleep a little bit for now, too tired to stay awake.