Wo ist das Meer?

This will be a boring post, i warn you.

It is sunday evening, i am back to work tomorrow after a week of vacation. Pretty short if you tell me, i got used to longer holidays. But this is as it is and life is about to see the big things in the little ones, right? Even if it was short, i got to live some intense moments, both bad and good ones. The rain falling down and the delicate music give some peace to my mind.

I lived a peaceful meeting at the beginning of the week during which i felt that this is absolutely no problem for me to share an everyday life together, where somehow there is a balance between the two of us, what we know of each other and how we respect each other. The second half of the week was also a cohabitation time but with a person i don’t know really much and i think i was not really prepared to let her that much into my personal environment that much time. This is not because people read on here some of unsignificant moments of my banal life that i know them in return ( i almost never get feed backs on my writtings here) and i think it made things wrong. Even my body told me to get off that with kind of a violent way (first time throwing up in Linköping, yeah!) and i am sorry to write that i felt a relief as i was alone in my flat. S, i know you read here, i tried to be kind but i obviously did not succeed. I apologize to you here now because i can’t come to another way. This was just too much too long too soon.

I don’t want to hurt anyone in my writtings on here but i just feel like this virtual way to communicate, which is a one-way way btw is taking over the real relation i may have with people that i am not hanging around or talking with regularly. I miss the 90’s way of life when we were still meeting each other and calling and talking. This works so much better. I deeply think i need more than 2 parties and 15 mails to be able to open myself to someone. I may be talkative, people who met me once know that but it doesn’t mean that you have the key to my intimate self and i need my own space. I don’t really know (and this is not the first times that i have these doubts) if i will write much more of my life on here, to talk about my thoughts, even if they are bullshits, is not helping this. I am feeling naked -but this is all my fault alone, i am the only one writting on here- when people that i don’t communicate every day with are reading too much things on me. It feels that i am giving the rope for the people to hang me sentimentaly.

I don’t pretend that a lots of people would miss that but maybe there is a point sometimes in playing “hard to get”? I will maybe return to the origins and use this blogg as a place where i can share pictures and maybe link to some music but no share my thoughts. Who cares anyway?