i thought i would have a long and nice sunday but instead, i got a boring one. Don’t ask me why, i dunno, but i was all unmotivated. I wanted also something really bad but it belonged (?) the category ‘things you cannot influence’ so i spent most of the day waiting for it to happen and it didn’t. I thought i would be smart and if i would go to bed and sleep and dream hard enough about this thing, that it would be true when i would wake up. So i went to bed at 6pm, felt asleept immediatly (for real also) and woke up for 15 min ago but it did not happen. I sooooo wanted to have a reaction from a special people but no, after having been really up last week, i am now sitting here in my bed, beginning a new week really down and asking myself what i will do now when i am so fit in the middle of the night. you should never put expectations that are unsaid to other people, it will just dissapoint you.
I noticed one thing this morning: even if i had a really strange night (asleep between 18h03 and 23h57 and then awake between 23h58 and 04h00 and then asleep again between 04h01 and 05h58), i had a dream. In my dream, my mother wanted to be nice to me and make me a toast, so she cames with toasted bred and a whole plate of smellt butter.
Poor representation with paint:
It was smelling smellt butter in my dream, pretty strange. I dunno why my mother did that, she is actually very good at making toasts.
I was not as tired as i thought i would be today. And i also decided to use the wisedom of the people i am living with during my working days and try to get some tips for the last week of preparation for the half marathon. Last year, i was pretty lost the last week, afraid also that i wouldn’t survive. So i thought “no no, not again, i will try to be smarter!” (which is a challinge itself, not that i am very clever but to have good insight is not my best card). Anyway, i went to 3 wise men singning James Blunt
(for you Maman and my lovely sister because i know that you (my sister,no Maman) have poster of James Blunt glued on the inside door of your closet)
Well, to make a long story short, (this is not my best card either, shit i confess 2 weaknesses in the same post!!) i got following advices:
Wise man nummer one, let’s call him Mister Cantona
“you have to train hard on monday and wednesday, eat only proteins, no carbohydrates at all and you have to have a breakfast at least 3-4 hours before your run and you may eat what you want, the most important is for you to feel light”
Wise man nummer two, let’s call him Mister Westernmountain
“take a 5-7 km run on wednesday, don’t push and you may eat what you want, you will after all only run 2h00-2h15, so this is not something your body will suffer off. During saturday morning, you may drink a lot though. Actually, you may drink as much watter than you use to drink beers at our parties”
(you did not read that Maman)
Wise man numer three, let’s call him Mister Greenandwhite
“you may only eat pasta the three last days and drink a lots of beers to load with carbohydrates. The morning before the run, you may eat a light breakfast, and you may take a light run some days before the competition.”
Well well well. It did not help a lot. If i make a mix of the answers, it may be like that:
i will take a light run on wednesday, i will drink beer on friday (pretty appropriate since i meet my friend!), i will drink water&aspirin on saturday morning and eat an ok breakfast on sunday. Did i translate the whole thing good? It seems to me that it is a good compromise.
Today it was also the last working day of a colleague in our department. Sniff me said. I don’t want him to leave us, even if he is not dead, but well, life is easier when you have people around you that know you and can tell you things how they are. I just wish some MC rides with him when the weather will permit it! And of course, a lots of floorball games!
I had to hear something cute tonight. I went to ICA and bought some food (for 33 kr, so it was not a lot, but it will be enough for this week) and when i was about, i told the guy at the cashier “thank you and have a good evening” and he replied somehting funny: “i will think of you the whole evening, so it will be good”. Maybe this is a good tactic to buy food in small amounts in order to get more compliments.
Tonight, i downloaded the pictures i had from my phone to my computer and i noticed that it has been exactly one year that i cut my hair. Sometimes i regret my long hair, but it is not often in comparison to all the times when i think “how easy it is to have short hair!!”. I may actually thank the guy that dumped me this time for this change in my life. ahah there is always something good in the bad things. But in the end, it was also a good thing that he broke up. It would have been a too expansive relationship in the end!
And now, i am waiting that my favo male friend calls me, he promised he promised he promised and he always helds his promises (even if it is about to jump in a frozen pool for his bday party in april) and we haven’t talked in weeks it seems (well actually 4 days, wait, no it was yesterday, but the buss came and i had to show my wonderfull text-ticket), i cannot wait to talk to him and tell him all that happened during his vacation week. Actually, it happened quite a lot, at least in my head.
Plus that i know that he was attentind some pretty cool party in Austria too, so i want to hear his adventures!
A way mor exciting to talk on the phone than to take care of my laundry….
What song do you wish yourself today? Something happy? Like this guy at ICA? Oh no, you deserve some 90’s music, something i will listen to super loud while i take care of my laundry. ENJOY!!
Tonight, i am playing all my playlist in random and even if i thought i erased all the songs that remind me bad memories, this one plaid and reminded me some years of desesperated feelings.
I never looked at the lyrics before now and i am pretty amused of them:
Someday someone will make you cry
Then you’ll gonna have tear drops in your eyes no, no
So go ahead and have your fun girl
Don’t you know I’m still in love with you girl
Go ahead and have yourself a ball
You’re riding for a fall, watch it
Someday somebody will break your heart
You got to look for your judgment as I would tell ya
Then you’ll gonna wish that we had never part
You’re gonna wish that we never part cause I was saying
So go ahead and have your fun girl
Have a fun as I would tell ya
Don’t you know I’m still in love with you girl
Go ahead and have yourself a ball
You’re riding for a fall
This is amusing how feelings can come back with music, the good and the bad ones, just as long as they are associated with a song in a special occasion. This one, riding for a fall reminds me my little tiny room in Karlsruhe and me trying to live a life full of unknown and crazy thoughts. It was both a good feelings (it reminds me of the weekends) and a bad (how lonely i felt and far away from this man). At this point, this is actually when i stopped to think that i made a step forward. A big one, to Sweden. Shit, i am feeling old when i think of it. 2005 is not yesterday anymore…
I hate to take a citybus. I always have. This was the reason why i always walked to school, even if it took me like 45 minutes (instead of 15 with the bus). I was invited yesterday evening for a dinner at a good friends home and the thing is that i needed to take the bus there. But i did it! I suceeded in coming in time and in one piece, without been driven all wrong in the town. This was a challenge for me. Plus that i find totally intolerable that it costs 23 kr to take the bus, this is a waaaya too expansive for what it is, plus that it doesn’t give any motivation for people who have cars to change their way of travelling. Well.
The dinner was delicious the company too, i ate for 2 weeks there. I broke 2 promises though: i drank wine and i sent a text after 9PM. For the wine, this is ok, i had already so much calories with the dinner itself, but for the text, it was a little unnecessary.
I staid over there for the night and had a strange dream. I was with my sister, we were working for some fashion people in NY, or at least people from there, but we were working on the country side and 2 horned owls. There was a male and a female and we were trying to figure out who was who. The both of them had 3 colors and we came to the conclusion that it was not like with cats, you know that it’s only catwomen that can had 3 colors, not the males. Anyway, then, my sister and i had to take the train somewhere but the train came 3 minutes earlier than on the timetable so we had to run to catch it. The wagon was very special too: it was roofless and built like a roller coaster. Pretty strange. And i woke up.
picture from http://www.oiseaux.net/
After a delicious breakfast, i took the citybus home and it was a waaay more easy this time. Maybe i can go and visit this friend more often now that i won over my fear for this busline.
LXVII. – LES HIBOUX
Baudelaire, les Fleurs du Mal.
Sous les ifs noirs qui les abritent,
Les hiboux se tiennent rangés
Ainsi que des dieux étrangers,
Dardant leur oeil rouge. Ils méditent.
Sans remuer ils se tiendront
Jusqu’à l’heure mélancolique
Où, poussant sous le soleil oblique,
Les ténèbres s´établiront.
Leur attitude au sage enseigne
Qu’il ne faut en ce monde qu’il craigne
Le tumulte et le mouvement;
L’homme ivre d’une ombre qui passe
Porte toujours le châtiment
D’avoir voulu changer de place.
This is crazy. Charles, if you see me from where you are, if you are so good at telling me what to do in my dreams, then tell me more directly what i have to do!!! What is the meaning with my life?
The song of the day has to be about being wise. Old man, look at my life, i’m a lot like you were. Old man, look at my life, twenty four (+4) and there’s so much more live alone in a paradise that makes me think of two. Love lost, such a cost, give me things that don’t get lost. Like a coin that won’t get tossed rolling home to you. Old man, take a look at my life, i’m a lot like you. I need someone to love me the whole day through. Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that’s true. I’ve been first and last, look at how the time goes past. But i’m alone at last, rolling home to you.
once again, i had a very long night with my Timo-pillow and woke up at 7 pretty fit. Well, 10 hours sleep may help ;) i listened to Naturmorgon om P1 and was amazed the hear that a bat survive after one day in a freezer. The man who put it there was pretty dumm, but this little animal must have wanted to survive! They also talked about wolfes and actually, the first sound i heard this morning was a wolf howling. This is a beautiful sound. It called me to the wild somehow, so then, i daydreamed of the forest behind the house where i grew up. I would give a lot to be able to walk there today, in this special forest. Ah well.
Instead of that, i got up, prepared my breakfast and noticed that the flowers i got last week are now dead. Well, they already were dead last week but now, they are just waiting to go back to earth. They were also pretty this morning i thought though.
No Skavlan today. WTF! The weather is all grey today, i need to go out for a run and then check if i can make laundry today. No need to say that i am not very enthousiastic over that. My thermometer said +1 (but he lied once and said -12 while it was actually -23, so maybe i should have understand -10 today?).
And because i just began this post with a song from the magnific playing band Sparklehorse, then you get now one of my favo from them:
Ok, now i did it. I ran over the 200 km to prepare myself for the halv mara. And it was a hard moment, i tell you. I ran 10 km in …. 49 min 57!!! Yes, under the 50min!!! I am pretty proud of this run but it asked some tears i tell you. I begann a waaaay to fast and when i arrived at 5km, i got a cramp in my right leg. And every drop of air going in my lugns was hurting me. Too hard. Plus that is was very warm (or maybe i had too much clothes on) so i was sweating like a pig. I wonder how i will feel next sunday in Paris with 10 degrees ABOVE zero …
My average pulse for this run was 189 beats per minute. Too high. But when i am sitting right now and writting, i have 102 beats per minute. So maybe it is my destiny ahah
I maybe succeeded with my poor english and my poor persuasion power to convert another friend to read on here. Maybe it was because i showed the whole world his underwear the other day!
The fire alarm thing from the other day gave me some trouble last night. I had a dream with a good friend of mine and we were travelling somewhere, checking in in a hostel and the reception guys wouldn’t let us in peace without gaving us like hours of explanations about things to do in case of fire or problems in the hostel. The last time i met this good friend, we were together in Berlin in december and we lived in a hostel that was pretty good, but god how cold it was to take a shower, no risk for fire there!!
And i will meet this good friend next week end in Paris!!! yippie!!! I am really looking forward this week end even if it will be some sweat and tears. I cannot wait to see my friends (even it the party part may be limited this time) and also to test to run outside, on a ground free from snow. I have strange feelings for the half mara. In a way, i feel a waaaaay stronger than for the broloppet, but this is still 21 kilometers that i will have to run. I was pretty serious this time and trained almost every week 3 times. If i missed a training, it was because of some evening meetings with the work and not because i did not want.
Well, almost. It happened once that i changed to my training clothes, went outside and just made a Uturn back home
because i found it too cold to run to the training. haha well, once.
Since i registred to Paris, i run almost 200 km. This is impressing my little self. Even if i am on a little level, i never thought i would be so serious with running like that in my life. For the broloppet, i had almost double time (217 days) to exercise and ran 310 km under the training, at an average speed of 9,03 km/h. I almost gain a whole kilometer per hour! I also run almost one kilometer more per week this time. Plus it was winter the whole period for this time! I may get a star just for that, no?
I ran the broloppet in 2h08, i am willing to make it under 2 hours in Paris. Maybe it is too optimistic, i had the wind in the back the whole time on the bridge between Danmark and Sweden, it may be different in Paris. Plus there is a uphill at km 17 in Paris and this is exactly there that i promised myself to NEVER EVER run a marathon last june. But at the same time, i ran some 17km pass during this training and it was ok, so maybe it will be successfull? The one who live will see.
For now, this is friday evening, i am enjoying being at home after a full week of work, without any travel somewhere, which is rare (it will not exactly be like that next week, or the week after or the week after after) so i’d better be glad for the rest i have now. And i am! Except a run and a nice invitation to dinner tomorrow, i don’t have any plans for the week end. Oh wait, yes,
this laundry is waiting for me again… But i will try not to think of it for now. I will cook myself a nice dinner, listen to cool music, puzzle, read my book and take a looooong night of sleep.
The song of the day is a french one just because i thought i dreamt when i heard it on the swedish radio today. This is also a thing that reminds me this friend i dreamt of last night, because we heard it in a shoe shop in Berlin together and she was telling me “don’t you know this song? what?”. No, Some things don’t get easily outside the french borders and french music is one exampel. Anyway, here you go:
And for those who did not leave the work for this week, here comes another song, just to give you themotivation to switch your computer off and go home:
This has been a calm day today, even if my first awake moments was early this morning and because of the fire alarm.
I had a very nice and strange dream last night. I was with a friend of mine about to go to bed, in a very late summer night (the sun was up and it was already warm) and we were supposed to spend the night in the room of an old frnech friend of mine, in a very white appartment, with a high roof and in the room, there were 2 windows and a door to the balcony. I went to bed first and my friend thought it was too hot, so he was opening all the windows and doors to make some air coming in. He has a very green and blue Björn Borg underwear. At the end, he gave up and went to bed too and i woke up because of the fire alarm mentioning that the batteries were dying.
I texted this dream to my friend and he asked me “how do you translate this?“.I don’t know. Since this is not the first time that there is some heat in the dreams where he is, i may unconsciouly think that he is hot? One thing is sure, i KNOW that he has this green and blue underwear, because i already saw him with it on.
The song of the day is a spring song. Enjoy!
… yes sir, pretty soon. I am just finishing assembling the puzzle. I came quite far now, but it costed me a lot of chocolate and my knees hurt…
It took me some time to get here:
2011-01-09: i realized that my destiny was pretty much to be single and put my puzzle together
2011-01-31: after some intense weeks at work, i sat again with it during a sunny and cold sunday and tried to repair the massacre i did when i moved the carpet
2011-02-11: i got some precious help for the bottom
and today, 2011-02-24 it is looking like that:
I think i will feel abstinens when i will be finished with that. Then, i got 2 possibilities: 1) i go and buy a new puzzle or 2) i go and get me a life…
Puzle has some good therapic qualities on me though. I get all relaxed when i sit a while and try to put it together. well, some say that i have an uncurable optimism… Even when it gets to find some quality to put a grey scale puzzle together. Ah well!
I woke up this morning, heard a pretty neird-o news on the radio and even if i was super tired, it just made me happy and i got up like a duracel rabbit and hop, i was ready to live another day on the planet earth.
For the record, the info on the news was that maybe one day, it will be possible to buy service to search about archeological things with others conditions, which will make the whole bill become cheaper and stuff and this is good! yeah! (hum, not sure everyone got what i tried to tell, but it doesn’t matter really).
I was also pretty efficient at work today and made something clear in half of the time i planned to use. OK, i did disturb my colleagues quite a lot to get some help, so they lost time, but in the end, i think the company won.
Ah, another thing: it was -23 degrees this morning when i went to work. I can tell you that it was a wrong day to be dressed with a dress. I tested.
After having eaten Gulasch soup, i will now change my clothes and go to the last intervall training before the half mara in Paris. I am not sure the whole content of my stomach will stay inside my body during the training, this is the second test of the day. The intervall trainings use to be so hard that i almost puke each time at the end of the training, but tonight, it seems like it would be “nicer”. We will have to run 10 times 800m at a marathon speed. I don’t really know what it means, but i can tell you later!
But i feel full of energy. Because of 2 special things: this nice and long phone call with my friend yesterday and several hugs from another friend today. I love my friends.