Hate Xmas

Bouh, i had some big hesitations yesterday evening in my bed about my travel to France for Xmas. I really hate this stressing travel, at the worse period of the year, it is super expansive and it is always me who travels. OK, i made a choice to live abroad, but i see my familly in others occasions, so “surt sa räven” yesterday evening. Unless to say that I really DON’T want to be stucked somewhere between one delaid train and one missed train in Danmark or Germany, plus i am feeling halv sick.

So i was wondering hard about giving up yesterday evening. It won’t be such travel for next Xmas, i swear. I love my sister and parents, but it has to be otherwise, i dunno how, but otherwise.

I also felt so lonely at the same time. I shouldn’t have this problem actually: i should have my own familly here, and staying here to celebrate Xmas with a man loving me and stuff. But no, i am still at the same stage and ah well, i just hate Xmas because it reminds me so hard on how much i failed so far in my private life. Bleh.