It has been a while we had something new to tell to each other but tonight, Markus came home with kind of a lot of material. We are sitting together, sipping red wine and he tells me his stories. It happened quite a lot apparently. He travelled to Peking for work, lived in some 4 stars hotel rooms there and regretted his friends and youth. Who doesn’t?
Kicken var är den? Kicken vart tog den vägen? Hela livet var ett disco men hur kunde det bli så svårt?
I told him about my crazy week and all my mornings, when i wake up and feel like i haven’t sleep any second, that everything is moving faster than my brain has the time to think and he replied att han vaknar lika trött omtöknad och kantstött och ja såhär kommer det att vara fram till februariman får vara glad ifall man klarar sig undan lindrigt. Yeah, maybe he is right, we should be happy with the fact that we are surviving.
I wanted to interrupt him a while to watch the Hills, but he began to tell me how he is happy to see me again, that yeah, we are very different, but it is not dead, becase det krävs mer än så för att skilja oss åt. But it is difficult to admit that i had also this thought: jag kunde att det kunde bli vi två igen. Difficult to push the border farther, when you’re used to have
your rutines, your easy habbits and don’t bother to follow your heart maybe. Men jag drömmer om nån som är lika dum och naiv som mig och de jag bryr mig om. Jag drömde och glömde bort att det var du där i nuet som betydde nåt. Yeah, seize the day, or how they say?
We had a big discussion about passion. I think that life is worth to be lived if you put some emotions in it and make it empty with your feelings. He looked at me and said: “jag svär jag såg den där glimten bakom hårt sminkade ögon“.
We talked about our friends. I told him about my travel last year to see my good friend in the US and my stay in New York.
was a long and interesting trip. It was necessary to be with myself a long couple of hours, in a strange environment and of course to visit this lovely friend.
He told me about his sleep problems and it made me think about mine old ones. Ouche, how i hated these natt efter natt efter natt when i rolled around myself in the bed without closing the eyes. Sometimes, there is only one thing that can save you: escape. Trelleborg, Travemünde, Stockholm, Skavsta Siljaline och bron över till Danmark, E4, E18, väg 13, E22, kom ta mig härifrån!
But why going away and not facing why you are not sleeping/feeling bad? We talked harder, fight quite. Nej, du lider av allt, du har mycket ouppklarat, vi förstår inte varandra men på den där sidan juli betyder allt. And what does it mean to the people living around you then? are you really ready to leave you kvarter?
We took a litle break to take some more wine in the kitchen. The first part of the evening was very pleasant. This is really nice to see that he has energy, met people and experiences and that we have something in common still. I really like his voice and the party tone he uses to talk about what is closed to his heart.
He came back from the kitchen and said to me: du har levt länge och många liv du imponeras inte av nånting men är nyfiken på allt oh det är fint. and positiv. I told him about this long sentimental discussion i had yesterday with a friend. That everything is not always going my way, that i missed the right men, that sometimes, i feel so lonely that i don’t know how to take me out of there but i see things positively he said. And so should it be, always. Sverige är för litet, livet är för kort, Sverige är för litet jag har fel på hjärna.
But don’t give me any white shit, give me afro beat!
He also told me that he walked to Etuna, from Stockholm, followig the Sörmlands leden. I told him the end of this discussion from yesterday about being positiv and thing. Ögonen tåras men inte av rök m in äldsta kompis gör ett försök, lägger handen om mig “det ordnar sig” did he say. Du ville vara fri och ha ett anständigt liv, oh yeah
But we began to talk about our tries to meet the right person. Everything is only a timing question. And right now with you Markus, i really feel like vi har tur att det är rätt tid och plats för båda just nu.
But i told him that it was not easy since last time he left me. I spent a lot of time thinking of him and imagining us and thinking of what we had. I was forced to explain that to him, that “drömde om dig i natt igen måste vara för att du är känd” did i say. He is everything i see and i hear.
Well, not right now. Skavlan beginns soon, I will tell about Markus and mine evening later.
Wo ist das Meer? 