Spring

It seems like the spring is here. There is sand from the snowy days left on the streets but the sun is shining and warming my litle fragile heart.

I plaid floorball as usual on monday and tonight, I had some nice energy when it goes on yes, this one ball, I have to get it. OK, I did not manage every time, but I felt like I have somehow some power left inside of me, though the winter was long, thoughi can think that life was hard to me lately.

I talked on the phone to a friend tonight. First of all, it was very difficult to talk in german again, but she conforted me for some things that I find really unfair. yeah, life is not fair all the time. You got what you deserved say some. And I say, prepare yourself for what you will get.

Ten years ago, I remember I was listening to my Led Zeppelin CDs every single evening before tofall asleep. I always finished of course with Stairway to heaven, because it was the last song of the one CD and because there was some hope: every one has his version of what makes life good. For me, when I was 16/17, it was to believe that I would have a lot of
friends around me, that I would live with someone who would love me and that Ii would love and that I could wake up every morning and scream “I wanna give you my love, every single inch of my love” and do it. I had no idea what it was to love, my best friend was my horse, I was about to leave home and I so hard wanted to believe that I would share a nice life with a nice man and breathe through that.

Ten years later, a lot of things happened, Ii discovered a lot of things from life, met a lot of people, I have a lot of faithfull friends, a familly that I love and who I hope loves me too, but I am still so empty about what it goes to fullfil my sweetest dream. Oh yeah, I was given to touch it and live how nice it feels but you have no idea how bitter it is when it goes away. It was not in my f*****plans!

So now, the circle is closed, I still listen to Led Zep before to sleep but I feel like there are few springs left to reach what I think I am living for. And the sad thing is that it doesn’t depend on only me… But my friend told me “if you have no dream left, why would life be cool?”

So spring, be ready, I will try to fullfill my 16 years old dream!